May 14, 2012

Quick Fixes Won’t Cure Hurt

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Written by: Tameeka Williamson
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We often go through life patching broken hearts with another relationship, casual sex or by building an invisible wall to try and keep hurt out. Although these quick fixes are popular they never give you your ultimate desire of happiness. By using these remedies the real issues aren’t being mended, which are forgiving yourself and forgiving the person that hurt you. Whenever a relationship ends there is no one person to blame, both people have a portion of responsibility for its end.

People tend to cover up hurt because it seems easier to forget their pain rather than deal with it head on. However in time the hurt resurfaces later on in life so confront the hurt now and fix it. After a relationship has ended assessment is vital. Acknowledge what role each person played all the way through until the relationships conclusion. Next you can set in motion the process of forgiveness. Refrain from blaming others for how you reacted toward something they did, rather identify what they did then take ownership for how you reacted. Remember no one can control your behavior, but you.

A lot of times we tend to want to replay the incidents or talk to our friends about the hurt and pain. In fact, reliving the pain only makes it stronger and more challenging to fix once identified. As a substitute don’t talk about how much the pain hurt you, talk to the pain and tell it how much you have learned. When the pain arises keep in mind pain can teach us what areas of our character needs improvement, how strong we really are after we defeat it and we can also learn that true love doesn’t hurt, it heals.

If you’re holding resentment, bitterness or envy you won’t have room to receive you’re blessing. So although you may begin a new relationship it will ultimately end with the same outcome as the last…..hurt and pain. In other words you should be free from these negative emotions, which can cloud your vision. Once you remove those emotions you will be more aware of a potential mate. Decide today that you will conquer hurt and pain with the powerful force of forgiveness.

Do you think you have forgiven in an effective productive way? Let’s see, to forgive someone means you will no longer keep in mind the wrong action that person did to you. Sometimes forgiving people can be a process. During this process the wrongdoings can come to your mind; however you have to choose to replace that thought with a forgiving one. When the thought arises stop and say “that is in the past and cannot hurt me, I have forgiven that person for that. I no longer remember the mistakes of others I choose to believe the best about them”.

A sign you haven’t forgiven someone is tension or uneasiness when you see each other or if their name is mentioned. These signs can be very helpful during the forgiving process to indicate what level of forgiveness you are at. Anger, revenge, avoidance or denial, tension and prayer are all levels we go throughout forgiving people. The amount of effort and time you put toward it will determine how fast you acquire complete forgiveness. The day you say a genuine heartfelt prayer of success in every area of that person’s life, you can rest assure you are at the finishing point.

Forgive people of all the wrong and hurtful things they ever did to you whether it was intentional or not. Yes it takes work, but it is worth it and it gets easier every time you do it. Forgiveness isn’t about the person that hurt you as much as it is about you. Releasing that person through forgiveness allows you to successfully move on without any strings in your past holding or pulling you back. Moving forward a new relationship can be built on a healthy foundation, where real love can be produced. Redefine hurt and pain in your life, understand you have the power to accept hurt or reject it. Choose to forgive people before they even commit the wrongdoing. You have the power, now you just have to use it!

About the Author

Tameeka Williamson
Tameeka is the author of "All Is Forgiven, When Rooted In Love", a book about a Brooklyn girl on a roller coaster ride who goes from being broken to a changed woman. Tameeka enjoys writing whether it's love letters to her spouse or encouraging letters to inmates in the penitentiary. She also enjoys spending time with her husband Rodney, their four children, and helping people live their dream life!